Love Marriage or Arranged Marriage!

These words are uniquely intertwined in the Indian culture. Great literature and the colorful bollywood
would be bland without these words. So many stories have been centric around Boy meets Girl,Boy meets girl's parents
but brace yourself the parents shoo the boy away with guns. There might be many reasons for the parents to oppose-caste,
color,money,peer pressure,relative pressure,etc; But it is always there. So it was in my case too.

Yup mine was the 'Love Marriage' that rises many eyes with curiosity.The added fun part is that the boy I was in love with is not from the same community and state and talks a different language. Woah! Blame it on the  diverse plethora of diverseness that India is. Moe a few kilometers in any direction and you might find a diferent dialect,a community and culture.

I cringe to call my marriage a love marriage or for that matter an arranged marriage (which it is not!). Its a
marriage.Period.

Mutually decided by two adults who were not starry eyed or singing songs.Lust could be a factor but whats a couple without that.

Parents were asked. But as my mother put it, we were informing not asking. It is tough to be an Indian Parent.There are millions of Issues floating around a girl child to keep the parents anxious.(Please to watch
'Satyameva jayate' by Aamir Khan if you arent aware of the issues I am talking about) The least that parents would want to do is to find the prospective groom themselves after filtering him through all preferable criterons.This itself, will not guarentee their girl a trouble free life but the probability to have that increases.t

So when I bring the guy home, I reduce that probability by zillions. The unknown factor creeps them and reminds them of all the ghastly stories run in daily papers replacing each victim's face with mine. Totally understandable in  retrospect.

Then started a background search of a kind within networks of friends of friends of friends to find whether the boy had any bad habits to ring the siren. After many days of cold war in the house and at the end of investigation, the results werent at all colorful. The boy turned out to be an average GodFearing-Jai Indian. Phew! Somewhere I also had heard the same stories and was teeny bit anxious maybe.This also in retrospect.

Marriage, at the end of it, is just that..However it starts. Love or arranged. We have to work on it. There are days when we rue the decision. There are days when we thank the heavens for the spouse. There are days when you want to run away and there are days when you want to run along :D

I always joke that I only regret one thing- I cant blame my parents on way my future is paved. It would have been convenient and easy. :P

Surviving the initial days!

Nothing in the world can prepare you for this! One day you are this busy working woman who cribs about no time and suddenly you have all the time in the world, which just wouldnt pass.
I quit my job to take care of my little girl as I got all emotional as a mother and felt she needed me more. My company wouldnt shut down if I resigned. True, I gave it long hours, priority over my personal life but still that was a harsh reality I know. And here was tiny little wailing bundle who knew nothing about any such harsh realities! So I decided to cocoon her as long as possible. The only other option I had was daycare. I felt like a criminal to think about it also. ( personal opinion!)
So I jumped in as a SAHM. Initially for 6 months I had my Mom's support. So that time went really smooth. Then my mom left for US. That is when I actually started my life as a real SAHM.
I knew from day 1, it was going to be difficult. I have never stayed alone even for a second ever. Discount the night times, holidays and weekends when the spouse would be there, I was on my own. Yes! The baby is there with me. Constantly. To have someone so dependent on you 24/7 is an experience. I dont have maids to take care of her. I have help for all other things though. But i was wholly and solely responsible for her. Totally my call. I always want to do thing in my way. I knew no one else can really do as i want my child's raising to be! Especially maids.
So this adventure with me an my baby began. There would be days I ll be so close to go insane, days when I'd cry nonstop when the baby is sleeping and such! There would be days when the baby is cranky and unco-operative and I would just sit by the wailing baby bewildered as what should be done! But overall, I didnt go insane, I was happy with my decisions and the baby was growing to be the happy child I always wanted. Heres what I think helps to stay sane:
1) Schedule: I have turned my baby into a clock and i am proud of it! She mostly does everything by the clock. I beleive babies thrive on routine. So thats what I gave her. Everythig from food to sleep to playtime to reading to storytime to parktime are timed. N she absolutely loves anticipating and knowing what is coming next.
Me, on the other hand , also get the really essential 'Me' time which i can think about myself. Totally selfish but totally required. I dont do any housework during this Me time. Housework is not Me!

2) Take a bath and get dressed: yes! Sitting in payjamas all day and watching TV is what comes to mind when we think about a SAHM. Yes we can do that. But those simple pajyamas can be a straight road to loneliness! Being clean and fresh and in new dressy clothes sort of gives me the energy to face the whole day!
3) Focus other than the baby: yes the baby is my whole world! But constantly fussing over her and breathing down her neck on every move she makes is not going to do her and me any good. She needs to learn to be independent. So she gets her supervised alone time with toys and stuff and music. This is the time when I do the housework or study! ( have taken up a part time management course).
4) Go out! : very difficult with a baby. There is so much logistics involved. Its always easier to stay home. But then again no contact with the outside world is insanity! We need grownup interaction. Be it in any form, the veggies monger or a mom in the park or the cashier a a departmental store. So much of a difference it makes! I took social interaction for granted while working. Then I would love to be left alone for 5 minutes. Irony now i am taljing about how to get the 5 minutes of interaction! I dont count phone conversations and social networking as interaction here.

It is a thankless payless job! But then I look at this little toddler now who is confident and independent and carefree. I know I dont want a thankyou or a pay for this. I am going to give the world, a beautiful human being. That in itself is the biggest achievement possibly of my life that no career can give me. But also the career will be taken up again and new goals set but that would be once this little girl can take the world on her own stride.
P.S i've had lot of tips from fellow bloggers when I started out. The above points came in and were implemented after reading so many mumma blogs. They are sweethearts all of them.

How I met you father!

Dear daughter,

I know there will be a day when you'll discover that the naughty boys who annoy you are actually handsome and worth a second thought. Around the same time I think you'll also realise mumma and baba had a love marriage. I know it'll be super exciting to you to know about it. But God willing, i am hoping all this will happen atleast 15 yrs down the line. (wishful!)
So here I am penning 'The Story' down for you. Coz 15 years On, your old man and you will make me so many more memories that the initial days may become blurry :D
So... Like, you have ______ , we had a social networking site called Orkut! ( yeah it was there , believe you me!) (right about now, I bet the daughter is thinking we are from the Dinosaur age).
I was fresh into an IT firm with unlimited Internet. At home, we still had a dial up connection. It opened a world of opportunities and timepass. So one fine orkut invite later, I joined the exciting new world of social networking! But like good girls, I restricted myself to add only known people. Strangers strictly off-limits. So no fraandship invites were accepted. ( which I got often and do admit were ego boosting :p) So we can safely say your father could not be some random bloke I met off the internet!
One fine day, 28th April 2006 to be precise, I get this friendship request from a sweet little girl in her teens. Oh! That no strangers rule didnt apply to girls).Plus she was a second cousin to one of my bestest friend. So request accepted and a few scraps ( what do you call them? Messages,tweets, wall entries) were exchanged. Well, I think I got a glimpse of your dad sometime during this exchange.
Then a few days later again to be precise on May 3rd 2006 I get an invite from the brother of the sweet little teen girl who is the second cousin of my best friend :p He introduced himself as a bonus to his sisters's friendship.
A quick look at his profile took me to a flashback. You see when we both were in college together, my best friend and I , she had mentioned about this gamer second cousin of hers who wanted some alpha game testers. I was supposed to go but gave it a miss. Some of my other friends went for it though. Never again was the gamer guy mentioned!
So looking at the profile, I thought 'Hello Mr. Gamer cousin'. I was into PC games majorly you know due to the influence of your mama. So to get to know some one who created games for a living sounded interesting. So i accepted the invite. ( but in my defence, he was not a stranger!)
So then on it was a rollercoaster ride (fun, exhillarating,new,scary). Loads of scraps (sigh yes PDA), we made a decision to move it to the next level! We exchanged our yahoo and gtalk Ids. :D So the increasingly private conversation moved from the social networks to the chat applications and finally to mobile conversations. Phew!
But the title of the blog still remains to be addressed,na! I didnt still meet your father yet!
You wouldn't believe we hadn't even seen proper pictures of each other,apart from the low-res blurry DP pictures. But inspite of that minor detail, on 28th August 2006 we decided to get married soon. Yes you heard it right! No first date or meeting. It didnt matter to us, the physical appearances! Yup! We were two mad people in love and we knew, but didnt care. But practically you know we had to meet to get married , so the first date was set.
I was working on a saturday for half a day. So it was arranged that he'll pick me up and drop me home from office. We had 30mins to each other ( coz i had to reach home on time , your maternal grandparents didnt know yet).
Why i am being so specific as I say maternal is ... Your dad told his parents that he is going to meet their daughter-in-law before coming on the date!!! ( i still swooon wheneva I remember that)
So yes we met first time outside my office campus, in the bike parking area to discuss how to tell my parents about 'US'.
All i can say is that it didnt feel like first time. There wasnt any awkwardness or shyness. We knew each other so well it didnt matter how we looked ( but yes we were secretly both glad that there were no horns or weird stuff :p)..
There you go! Now stay tuned to for the sequel ' How I married your father'! Coz you know now that didnt happen for another 2 years. :D

Love,
Mumma

This is my entry for the HarperCollins–IndiBlogger Get Published contest, which is run with inputs from Yashodhara Lal and HarperCollins India.

Love after a baby!

Amongst all cuteness galore,wet kisses, lots of hugs and heart-melting baby talk! N the diapers,n wipes n messy clothes n toys everywhere! Aaah! The point is where is the time for intimacy with hubby! Gone are the days where we could do anything anywhere anytime! :p
But as they say we had a good 2 years of courting and 3 years of a marriage to do all the crazy stuff we could!
I do miss that! But now i see somethings in the newly minted father that makes me fall in love with him over and over again!
I ll list a few:
1) when he stood by me during labor, held my hand and didnt ask me to 'push' impatiently ! ( it matters)
2) when He held his little girl for the first time and said a quiet thanks to me with moist eyes!
3) when he yelled at the doctors and nurses when i fell sick immediately after delivery and the temperatures did not come down for 4 days.
4) when he sat by me while i fed the baby and had eyes only for the little one ! ( u never know with men :p)
5) when he would come every night travelling 30kms to visit me and baby at my mom's place!
6) when he'd change a poopy diaper so lovely and proudly! Every she does is a marvel to him!
7) when he d get up late nites just to keep me company during a light night feed.
8) when he'd leave everything at a moments notice when i say the baby has a fever!
9) when he looks at my stretch marks and says 'awww! You went through so much' instead of being disgusted.
10) Early morning when he d take the wailing baby so that mommy could get the extra 10 minutes of sleep.(so precious)
11)When he does the dishes without being asked if the maid doesnt come!
12) When he says 'i love you' more often then before!
13) when he says i look so pretty when i am actually looking like a train has hit me!
14) when he says 'family' referring to just us three!

Aah! I love my husband and it just keeps growing day by day! Mushy me!
Ok now i ve reached the mushiness quota of the day! I ll being adding more points for the rest of our journey :)

Love marriage!

Mine is one! N yes sadly sometimes in certain circumstances I have to think twice to tell that to people!
Here are the questions  and reactions I get due to which I am left to ponder:
1) so did you run away/ elope?
    -  Why? I didn't commit a crime!
2) How sad is it for your parents!
    -Hello! Should they be sad because I found a person I love and who also loves me and my parents!
3) What is his caste? Is he a Brahmin?
    - Does it matter in this day or age? These castes were made based on occupations in early times! Which Brahmin these days can recite a shloka decently?
4) omigod Her parents gave her too much freedom!
    - yes! They did! They did so because they respect me and trust me! They raised me so well that they know I can make my own decisions!
5) oh! So he's not from the same state ! How are you going to last?
    - erm! Atleast he's an Indian! Not that it would have mattered anyways! Arent we in the age of globalisation!?!
6) oh! What will you teach your kids- their culture or ours?
    - sigh! My kids have best of both worlds to learn from!
7) She had a love marriage ( the tone implying I am sorts to keep away daughters from!)
    -well! I simply feel sad for your daughters!
8) Do you live alone because his parents didn't like the love marriage concept?
     - Well! My life is not a balaji Soap opera! No such dramas in my life!
9) her mother didn't raise her well! I would have broken my girls legs and made her sit at home!
     - I am so happy I donot have a pshycho mother like you who'd even think of harming her own child!
10) oh did you guys do it before marriage?
     -none of your business! Puhleese!
11)Oh! So you guys did a lot of dating shating before you got married, huh! I toh met him just once in front of parents!
    - What! I mean are you proud of that! Or are you plain dumb!
12) you know most love marriages end up in a divorce!
    - Thanks! Aah! You made my day! I ll call you for my break up party!
13) now what will you teach your daughter!
    - erm! This irks me the most!
Yes! These and many other really irritating reactions! Though thankfully people of this narrow minded group are slowly becoming extinct! But they do creep up on me once in a while and make me cringe!
Yes i have had a love marriage. And yes! I am happy and not thinking about a divorce! And yes!  All marriages are one at the same after the wedding- love or arranged- TRUST and MUTUAL RESPECT are the driving forces behind it!
Also! Yes I am thankful to my lovely parents to have raised me and doing a wonderful job at that. I owe a lot to them and will help them whenever they need me! But I am not guilty to have found and married the man I love!