Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Day 11 - Stop the GuiltTrip Stranger!

So yesterday my regular auto-wallah ditched me. So I had to hire an auto to get to the toddler's playschool. After a mandatory round of bargaining and swinging back and forth 10 rupees, we struck a deal for Rs.50 return.

Then he asked me why the school was ending so early. It was just 11.30AM. I replied that the toddler is just 2 and hence goes for 2 hour playschool. He then replied surprised  and asked '2? Does she understand anything ,let alone studies?' . I said she goes to play majorly and she learns to interact with people.

And then, ladies and gentlemen, I was labelled a bad mother. He started his monologue which went as follows:
What madam! You send such small kids to school. You people have too much money. We poor people are so much better than you. We keep the kids close to us (seene se laga kar rakte) till they are atleast 4 and then we think about school. I bet you didn't even feed mother's milk to the child. (Time waste laga hoinga) At 2, the child shouldn't be separated from the mother,madumji.
 'Aisa kya karti aap 2 gante , bachche ko nahin dekha jaaata!' ( What do you do for 2 hours , cant you take care of your kid?) Booty Paalor jaate honge! ( Must be going to Beauty Parlour) , paise jo bahut hain ( because so much money is there) Do you work,madumji? What work is greater than a child?

I was shocked to start with. Then I listened to him and decided not to retort. As a mother, I already had an entire village to answer whether I liked it or not, mostly out of sheer respect to age. I didnt want to lecture a stranger autowallah on what I do the 2 hours I get and whether I breastfed the kid.
There were so many things I could tell him. But I didnt. I knew he was frustrated and mostly because of some financial concerns because for him, me being a bad mom boiled down to the fact that I had money. Sigh!

I wanted to tell him that I wish I could keep her for an hour or two more if possible,sometimes. I only breastfed till she was 3 months. I go off for freelance works for hours together sometimes , talk about separation! By the time she is 4 years old, I plan to put her in full-time school and a possible day care too. I do occasionally visit the parlor and am thinking of becoming a member so that I become regular! Yes! I am the worst mother of the whole world! But why on Earth does it matter to you?

Why ? Why dont I have the right to raise the kid and not feel guilty about each decision I make? It doesn't stop at In-Laws , Relatives , Relatives ka Relatives , what gives an auto-driver the rights to judge me too?

Bah! Happy to rant! Now that it is out of my system, let me go drop the child again to playschool for my 2 hour independence time. I have an appointment with my laundry today. Yeh! Bad mommy, me :D

11 comments:

  1. I type a long comment and its gone. Noooooo

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  2. Here take this (bear hug) coz you are a mommy. :) It is brave thing already. And with the entire junta after your life lecturing, I guess a facial is in place. Go indulge and mitti paao baaki log ki baat pe.

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  3. Ranting is good!! Healthy way to get rid of all that built up anger ;) I tell you the world has nothing better than to lecture other people. I have done that too but have also realized that you should not judge anyone. First you are not where they are. Second it's their life, their decisions!!

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  4. The world will always find reasons to pull you down..do what you like and how you like and be happy. *hugs*

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  5. We are moms. We bore the little ones with all our might and we raise them the way our instincts teach us. Yes we make our choices. We make mistakes. We know. We take responsibility. We live our life. Period. If anybody wants to judge, let them. Who cares. Mommy knows best afterall. First day of playschool and daycare for my two year old after 3 months. I could use some hugs too...

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  6. It's easy for people to judge others and love to give advice but at the end of the day it's none of their business. I also believe just because they are elders not necessary they should be respected. Respect is not something that you get by asking or age. You should have told him that you give your kid chai biscuit in the morning and click the look on his face. Very good blog

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  7. Thanks all! I feel goody goody now :)
    @Swathika: It aint easy .. All the best hun! First when they cry for you at the gate and then when they dont cry , both moments will get tears to mommy

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  8. Oh dont bother. Everyone has an opinion on everything!

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  9. I often used to feel guilt tripped with my first one... then I realized that I have a right to make my own choices (and mistakes) as a mother. To each his own. So just put your head up, believe that you are doing what is right for your baby (AND yourself) and smile away.

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  10. OMG gal, I don't believe this auto walla.. how can he get away with talking like this?! You are just too nice I think... We have enough actual problems to deal with as moms of young kids without being accountable to guys like this too!!!

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